I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize