Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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