in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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