I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
