shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
