remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
