It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
