Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
