he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
