So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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