i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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