and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
