I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
