she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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