my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
this boner is exhausting
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
