Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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