I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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