in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
