I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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