Your dad touched me again.
Everything about him screamed your future.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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