After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
