Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
