Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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