it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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