ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
