I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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