Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
