Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
