I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
