the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
