trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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