Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i will never coherently bang her
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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