Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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