so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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