can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm always down for nudity.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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