Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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