It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
