I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
