Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
