At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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