carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
either way he was missing a nipple.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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