Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
