i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
