i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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