tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
