OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
