i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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