she looked like the before picture.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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