or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
