I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
