i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
