I got chris browned last night
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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