I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
