Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
