This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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