She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
