It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
