sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
