i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
