Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
