The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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