I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Houston, we have a blender
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
