Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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