Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
