My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
