I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I wish you could order shots online.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
