I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She even gives head with a lisp.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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