Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
