my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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