So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
