We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
