i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
