consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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