i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
