you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
