Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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