All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize