I just saw a hot homeless man
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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