I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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