My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
