I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she peed on how many people?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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