if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
