I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
