there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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