come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
