I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Randomize
