just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
