My sheets look like a crime scene.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hippo gnu deer
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize