I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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