Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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