o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
