We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
