At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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