We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
