Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i love accidental penises.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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