dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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