I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
