Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
