legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
