It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
