im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
