I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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