i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
