You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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