Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
