im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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